Breakdown of Choosing Civility Essays

Breakdown of Choosing Civility Essays Breakdown of Choosing Civility Essay Breakdown of Choosing Civility Essay When approaching meditation as a novice like anything new you begin to categorize and assign key ideas based on the generalization of the word. One would expect when discussing the topic of mediation key components would arise to conform to the American Heritage Dictionary definition, â€Å"a devotional exercise of contemplation or a contemplative discourse† (Heritage, 1982). In such an exercise as mediation how would a simple subject of civility impact your ability to reflect and improve on upon yourself? Forni proposes that, â€Å"as a society we take a new, close look at that intriguing code of behavior based on respect, restraint and responsibility we call civility† (M. , 2002, p. 14); with in mind, one can correlate the relationship civility plays in mediation with Forni’s book Choosing Civility. Three conceptual pillars of civility, respect, restraint and responsibility in place the foundation for achieving a beneficial meditational experience is essentially achievable; from everyday life experiences we can confidently state, everyone has moment of incivility but placing stabilization on your actions can directly affect the growth in your meditation experience. Forni begins to support this by stating, â€Å"As an art, civility has rules one can learn and facility with these rules can improve with practice. This is good news. The bad news is that often we are unable to imagine the benefits of that learning and practice. We thus leave untapped a resource that would prove invaluable in increasing the quality of our lives† (M. , 2002, p. 34). The unstoppable presence of incivility will always be a bump in our proverbial road of life; the ability to remain in a state, a state of civility, is a chance to improve your quality of life and those around you. Meditation as a stepping stone in these situations provides a great learning point and gives one the ability to grow, and keep improving. To further understand the idea of civility and the large role it plays within everyday life, one would need to understand the impact and presence civility promotes within improving meditation. Life is laced with rules, regulations, morals, and standards not only as individuals but society as whole strives to adhere to in regards to meditation, improvement is not only sought by an individual but taken into consideration of others as well. With making the choice in choosing civility over incivility, the ability not only to improve as an individual but also impact a group meditation can be the water in which allows this seed to germinate. Therefore one would tinker with the concept Forni begins to elaborate, â€Å"it becomes clearer and clearer that civility is the place of encounter between Self and Other where altruism and self-interest find a harmonious way to coexist† (M. , 2002, p. 37). What Forni state’s it is obvious, a symbiotic relationship formed between the practice of mediation and the potential to affect another’s civility. As the dissection of Choosing Civility progresses on, one can contemplate the relation of the study of mediation with primary principles broken down by the book. The book in more detail by the text: civility can be described as rather complex and intricate; also coated with an element of good, embraces courtesy, politeness, good manners and inhabits the broad realm of ethics. In establishing these boundaries a connection can be made with the study of mediation with the principles mentioned above; without this understanding embraced of civility, the process of studying and practicing meditation would theoretically be hindered. Deeper into Forni’s text he begins to condense and establish rules or guidelines in solidifying the foundations for civility. Twenty-five established rules allowed the doors of comprehension and the ability to personally relate and reflect to the authors’ view-points to open. As each of these rules plays a defining role in understanding the ability to practice civility, each rule is also a key component in assimilating how to improve on your meditation skills; understand what civility and mediation represent, Forni makes a solid statement that intertwines the two: â€Å"if anything, these rules may feel like a â€Å"longcut,† since civility requires work and dedication. But they do offer a path to serenity and contentment† (M. , 2002, p. 41). Since civility and mediation share multiple common grounds and house a wide variety of rules, three will be singled out in which I have found, the most beneficial to my own personal growth and understanding. How often do you find yourself being spoken to in an unkind manner or talked down to? Everyone at some point is guilty of this at one point or another in their life. Rule six is essentially addressing this issue, speak kindly. Most people do not realize the significance of verbal communication and if practiced incorrectly how detrimental it can be to others. Breaking rule six is a drastic setback in improving your civility skills and can handicap you when it comes to many things. Forni immediately begins to state, â€Å"speaking with consideration and kindness is at the heart of civil behavior† (M. , 2002, p. 65). Without following this key rule achieving a sense of civility would be a farce. Within the description of this rule Forni goes on to describe the importance of speaking slow, calm and concise choosing words with grace and respect in order to preserve your integrity and respect those around you. Next on the chopping block that most people forget about is rule eight, accept and give praise. A feeling engrained into our heads at an early age instills acceptance and pride and leaves a need for praise for the rest of one’s lifespan. born and reinforced during the very first, formative years of our lives, our taste for being praised never goes away† (M. , 2002, p. 73) states Forni. This rule is one that if not practiced often can deteriorate over time causing either party to feel awkward or unsure. Giving and receiving praise can be hard for the sender and the receiver causing somewhat of a disruption in the flow of a conversation. As Forni assures, â€Å"after a while, as we make others feel good about themselves by praising them, we feel good about our selves as well† (M. 2002, p. 73). Great ways to practice improvement on this rule would be adhering to some simple guidelines that often get overlooked outlined in Choosing Civility; when giving compliments make sure they are sincere in meaning, don’t let your mind fool you into thinking people can read your thoughts causing you to second guess issuing a compliment, remember patronizing and compliments are two different things and a personal favorite even the smallest of compliments can make someone feel amazing not all have to be of great importance. Practice makes the difference with this rule and once mastered can greatly benefit one’s personal life and meditational experiences. In parallel with rule eight, rule twenty-three accept and give constructive criticism strikes general similarities and proves to be an area of struggle with some individuals and on the flipside others tend to enjoy it. Misunderstood by many, receiving criticism can provide a great chance to learn and improve on one’s self and the ability to see things that are normally shrouded by a mist of self-ego. Forni touches base on how enjoyable criticism can be and the responsibility it can hold, â€Å"this is a welcome opportunity to learn? mostly about my critics and about life. Although criticism is not always directed at us with the noblest of intentions, nothing prevents us from looking at it as a gift to be put to good use† (M. , 2002, p. 137). The wording in Forni’s statement is great for those who see the negative side in a critique by looking at what is said and breaking it down into a more positive view providing room for growth. In cahoots with rule eight the book also describes principles to assure the effectiveness of relaying criticism in a constructive manner and should be taken into consideration. Identify, describe, show, suggest and remain calm are all tools that should be used when giving proper criticism if one is left out during this process the effectiveness and chance for a jaded interpretation may arise. After reading Choosing Civility one can be almost taken away at the vast information hidden in such a small book. The book jumps from many different spectrums of everyday life; the main purpose stays sincere and structured allowing the reader to apply the reading to a wide array of topics but ultimately set on improving the general quality and civility of life, supported by Forni, â€Å"a better quality of human interaction makes for a better life? a saner, more meaningful, healthier, and happier life† (M. , 2002, p. 172). In application to meditational practices this book proves to be an invaluable source of tips and tools in which if utilized correctly can be beneficial to achieving a pleasurable experience for not only a single person but a group as well. Reference Heritage, A. (1982). Ahd 2nd college ed plain edge. Boston,MA: Houghton. M. , P. (2002). Choosing civility: the twenty-five rules of considerate conduct. New York,NY: St Martins Pr.